One Hell of a Butler
by LinkLover123
Summary: Black Butler-inspired AU GinHiji Gintoki becomes a fugitive overnight and his only chance to escape is to hide at the mysterious Hijikata Manor by assuming the identity of a robot butler.
1. One Hell of a Robot

Gintoki has never regretted his white, wavy hair until this very moment. Most days, he never minded the attention, relished it, in fact. But when his hair made him stick like a sore thumb and allow a police officer to chase after him every five minutes, he hated his silver, shining hair.

His silver hair was once his trademark, deeming him "Shiroyasha," or the White Demon on the battlefield. The contrast of blood against the white of his hair and pale skin was a sight to behold. Throughout the long war, the silver-haired samurai was one of the greatest rebel leaders, but that was a time long since past.

Now with a country overrun with too many Amantos to kill, he adopted a new way of life. He had lost too much in the war, and he didn't want to lose anything like that again. He was completely fine lounging around pachinko parlors, barely making enough money for food, and ending up shitfaced in a some pissed-filled alleyway. That was his life. He was completely fine with it, regardless of what that old hag Otose said about it.

But everything changed when the bastard Zura barreled back into his life. It had been years since he had since his comrade. Not since the day he had swung his sword for the last time in the Joui War.

That long-haired bastard had dragged Gintoki into a scheme that blew his life-style into smithereens. Literally. Gintoki had unknowingly delivered a package to the Amanto Embassy that had turned out to be a fucking bomb. Now he shot up right next to Zura on the "Most Wanted Terrorist List."

Luckily, Gintoki's wasn't captured on camera since he had been wearing a face mask and sunglasses, but his white hair certainly was. Now wherever he went-a convenience store, a bar, or even his beloved pachinko parlor-someone would report him to the police.

This series of unfortunate events led us to this moment, as once again, Gintoki was dodging the cops, meandering through the streets of Edo. Luckily enough for him, he knew this area like the back of his hand. But the cops were pushing him further and further out of his comfort zone. Before long, he found himself running past the outskirts of his familiar city into a forested area. Hopefully he would have a better time hiding in the trees than in the streets of Edo.

The silver-haired samurai climbed the nearest tree when he heard the telltale signs of footsteps. The police were fast on his tracks. But Lady Luck finally seemed to be on his side today. A large delivery truck was coming up the road and if Gin timed it right, he could climb to the branch hanging over the road and hope onto the vehicle in a heartbeat.

One. Two. THREE. Gin landed onto the metal surface with a heavy thud, but the driver was listening to his radio too fervently, headbanging to the idol, Otsu-chan's, new single. Suddenly the truck came to a stop and Gintoki's heart dropped. Fear sank into his chest as he heard a couple of the same police officers stop the delivery truck.

"Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a silver-haired man in this area?"

The driver shook his head.

"Where are you headed off to?"

"I have a delivery to the Hijikata manor. If this doesn't arrive by the end of the day, my boss will have my ass."

The cop nodded. "Would it be alright if we opened the back of your truck to check?"

"Go right ahead, officer."

The men opened the metal doors to the truck, but the only thing inside was a wooden box that was nailed shut. The inspector tried to pry the top off for good measure, but it held shut. There was no way the silver-haired fugitive could have possibly entered into the wooden box between now and the last time he was seen on foot. Right before the officer swung the doors close, Gintoki slipped in. He mentally slapped himself on the back for such an expert, sneaky move. Perhaps he should look into training as a ninja after this.

Satisfied, the officers sent the delivery driver on his merry way. Gintoki released the breath he had been holding. Didn't they have better things to do than chase after him day after day? If this was where his taxes was going, he was hella pissed. Granted, he didn't pay taxes, but if he did, he'd still be pissed.

Gintoki kicked the large wooden box. It eerily reminded him of a coffin. Curious, he pried the top open with his bokken and almost screamed bloody murder. It WAS a fucking metal coffin as a circular glass window featured a sleeping, lifeless head. The box opened without warning and steam came hissing out of it like a mechanical trap.

Gintoki couldn't help but look at the deceased with a morbid fascination. The body was dressed in formal wear as if it had dropped dead at a gala. Actually, upon further inspection, Gintoki found something inexplicably inhuman about it. Even a dead human had something this odd "thing" lacked. Gintoki pushed back his fear and poked the face only to find the synthetic feel of silicone beneath his fingertip. Wait, looking at the packaging, he noticed that its body laid indented into styrofoam to protect it from damaging during the delivery.

After poking around for a bit, he found an instruction manual with the title "YOROZUYA-G1010: The Revolutionary Robot Butler." Reading further into the description, it said: "Thank you for purchasing our product. We guarantee your satisfaction! The YOROZUYA-G1010 has been programmed with the ability to do over 10,000 tasks, making it the unique Jack-of-All-Trades in our series of robots. The Revolutionary Robot Butler can do anything from household chores to blah, blah, blah," Gintoki finished boredly.

It was basically a robotic slave. The man who never had more than 1000 yen to his name rolled his eyes. This is the kind of shit rich people spent their money on?

A crazy idea came to mind. The craziest idea he'd had since trying to counterfeit pachinko balls. What if he were to take this robot's place as a butler and lie low for a bit? He could pretend to be a robot butler for a couple of days. How hard could it be? Just listen to a couple commands, maybe "accidentally" malfunction, and get sent back to Edo for repairs. Gintoki knows that the entire city of Edo put up a perimeter block to capture him and Zura, so getting back while the cops were on high alert was next to impossible, and he was tired of constantly being on the run. This wasn't his worst plan. Plus this robot looked pretty lifelike. If this machine could pass for a human, Gintoki could pass for a robot.

His heart set on his plan, he carefully undressed the robot down to its boxers and threw him out of the moving vehicle without remorse. He winced, seeing an arm or leg come flying off as it rolled down into a ravine. Luckily the area was deeply wooded so the robot's remains wouldn't be found for a long time. Let the agents of decay take care of it now.

The uniform fit Gintoki like a glove. It seemed like the robot's physique almost mirrored Gintoki. The only difference was that with all the sugar Gintoki ingested, he had a few extra pounds on him. He gulped down his nervousness and step into the metallic coffin-like box. Even with the butler clothes, it was freezing. His bones were about to freeze solid if he stayed too long within the box. Fortunately, he felt the truck come to a halt. The doors open and before long, the box containing Gintoki was carried to its destination.

Gintoki felt a little sick being manhandled inside the box. Shouldn't these people handle him with more care?! He could distinguish the sound of voices, but it was too muffled to understand anything. After what felt like eternity, he finally felt the box being placed on the ground again.

The wooden top came undone and light shone through the small glass pane atop of him. Hurrah! He was starting to think he'd never see the light of day again. Gintoki was dying of curiosity to see what kind of a person ordered a robot butler. He hoped it was a hot, rich heiress; he wouldn't mind too much to be ordered around by someone like that.

But Gintoki kept his curiosity at bay and called on his samurai training to slow his heartbeat to a rate that rivaled the dead. He absolutely needed to or else he'd be caught.

As the metal lid opened, he heard the rustling of paper, possibly the instruction manual.

"Thank you for purchasing the YOROZUYA-G1010." Gintoki almost jerked in surprise. Oh? It was a man? He couldn't pinpoint the exact age, but the deep timbre of the voice put him anywhere between twenty- and forty-years old. The mysterious man continued reading much of the same product description that Gintoki had read earlier.

"You have bought the special Ultimate model of the YOROZUYA-G1010, which includes special combat features as well as sex features. The Ultimate model comes with a fully working penis-WHAT THE FUCK?"

'WHAT THE FUCK, INDEED!?' mirrored Gintoki mentally, who was inwardly having a meltdown. Did he just end up as another man's robotic sex slave?! Oh dear god, he had voluntarily stepped into the box himself. This was single-handledly the worst escape plan Gintoki had ever been a part of and this was coming from the guy who crawled out of the shit pipes with Zura to escape prison.

The silver-haired man heard the mysterious stranger start pacing and dialing a phone. After three rings, the person on the other end picked up.

"WHAT IN GOD'S HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SOUGO?!" the male screamed into the receiver.

A calm, unperturbed voice replied on speakerphone, "oh. It seems like you've received your new robot butler."

"WHY ON EARTH DID YOU ORDER IT WITH SEX FEATURES?!" the man yelled, his tone indicating that he was about to lose his mind. Gintoki breathe an inward sigh of relief. So this man hadn't specifically bought a robot with the intent of making a sex slave out of it? Oh thank god this guy wasn't a complete sicko. Gin-san still had his pride, you know-what little left of it.

"You specified you wanted a combat type, right? The sex features automatically comes with it. It was a packaged deal. Just think of it as an extra bonus. You don't have to use the features if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't judge you if you did," answered the other person on the other line in a nonchalant tone.

"I'M NOT GOING TO USE THEM!"

Gintoki wanted to plug his ears at this point. Did that man have any other volume than "EXTRA LOUD"?

"I swear, Sougo, if anything weird happens, I'll dismember this robot myself and have Kagura throw each of its pieces into all your windows," the man threatened, enunciating every word to make his warning clear.

Hmm. Maybe his new temporary boss was a psycho after all. Things were not looking too good for Gintoki. But to be fair, did they ever?

The man promptly hung up and let out a sigh of the long-suffering. He continued reading the manual. "Your Revolutionary Robot Butler has come pre-installed with a unique name, appearance, and a personality based on the preferences that you had inputted before you bought this model," the man scoffed. "Knowing Sougo, the bastard probably inputted the worst things to make my life harder with this robot. Why did I think to let him order this for me? God, if I hadn't so busy-gah, whatever. The quicker I turn this on, the quicker I can decide whether or not to return it."

"To turn on your new butler, please give him a k-k-ki-" The man couldn't even finish whatever that last word was supposed to be before he chucked the instruction manual into the fireplace, his ears burning in mortification.

After awhile of listening to the man frantically pace back and forth, Gintoki finally felt the lid to his box opened.

The mysterious man hummed in a tone of assessment. "Not too shabby."

The silver-haired samurai felt like that was a backhanded insult. Not too shabby, his ass. Naturally permed, silver hair that looked like a cloud settled on his head didn't come by to easily, jackass.

The man kneeled down to the box, reaching out to touch Gintoki's cold hand. He was finally close enough now that a strong smell of cigarettes wafted into the robot-imposter's nose. He lifted Gin's hand to turn it over and inspect the back of his hand, running his fingers along his skin. Since Gin's had been in the refrigerator-like box for so long, it was actually pleasant to feel heat on his skin again.

"Wow, it's so lifelike."

'That's because I am alive, you dumbass.' Gintoki felt irked about being repeatedly referred to as "it." It was like he was already losing his humanity.

The man slid his thumb over Gin's wrists and down into his palm, drawing a few circles. Gin used every fiber of his being to hold back a shiver. There was something about the way he had slowly dragged his fingers across Gintoki's skin that felt so intimate. The would-be butler couldn't remember the last time someone had touched him like that. His parents died before he could even say his first words and a war was never the right place for something to share such intimacy.

Before he could contemplate about it anymore, he felt the strange man draw closer. Too close . One hand was still curled around Gintoki's while another seemed to be clutching the edge of the box.

Gintoki felt the warm press of lips upon his cold ones. What the fuck just happened.

Wait.

'K-k-ki-' The word that the man couldn't finish. Was it kiss?! Was Gintoki supposed to wake up now? Like some kind of sleeping beauty? Was his life a fucking shoujo manga? Who the hell was coming up with this shit?!

Oh god. He was already in so deep. Might as well play completely along.

Slowly, Gintoki commanded his eyes to open like he just woke up from a thousand-year slumber. His wine red eyes met shocked, crystal blue ones and he almost flinched at how captivating they were. At such close vicinity, he could almost distinguish flecks of indigo swimming in them. The man drew back in surprise and Gintoki finally got a good look at his new master.

A man with hair darker than coal and a blushing face stared speechless back at him. Now Gintoki wouldn't typically say this about another man, but he couldn't deny the fact that the man gaping like a fish was quite… handsome. He was wearing a black yukata with golden swirls at that hem of the sleeves and bottom of the outfit. It was actually eerily reminiscent of his own white and blue swirl yukata that he had hidden inside the box. And it wasn't like Gintoki was paying close attention, but his yukata had opened up to reveal an ample amount of collar bones that trailed down to well-toned abs.

"What's your name?" the man asked in slight trepidation, still not believing that this was happening.

The silver-haired samurai almost forgot the answer to that question. "Gintoki."

"I'm Hijikata Toshiro," the man responded gruffly, "your new master." He said the last words with the confidence befitting of such a word.

Looking at the blushing fool before him, Gintoki wondered if maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought.


	2. One Hell of a Mayo Freak

The silence that persisted in the room was heavy enough to choke a man. The two were now standing face to face, sizing each other up. It was odd. The two men were the exact same height, and of relatively similar builds. But they were opposites in every other way. Where white haired defied the laws of gravity, black hair smoothed down to the nape of the other's neck. A string of unmistakable electricity connected ruby red eyes to sapphire blue ones.

Gintoki had no idea what to say next, still struggling to find the right balance between robot and human. Thankfully, Hijikata cleared his throat, lifting the stale silence.

"So what's your fuel source?"

Hmm. What would a robot say? "I'm solar powered."

Wait! Gintoki was still a human! "In addition to… sugar!"

Hijikata scrunched his face in disbelief. "What are you, a plant?" He said with a hint of sarcasm.

If bullshitting was a class, Gintoki would have flown through school with all A's. "Yes! My structure is very similar to that of a plant. I'll need sunlight, water, but most importantly sugar to sustain myself. The manufacturer suggested strawberry milk as the best fuel source. But of course, I can still eat regular meals like other humans as a supplementary energy source."

The black-haired man looked at Gin with suspicion, but shrugged his shoulders nonetheless, not really caring about the superfluous details of his new robot. "Fine. I'll have the cook order a shipment of strawberry milk."

What was this fluttering in his chest? Did Gintoki just find himself a Sugar Daddy? In the literal sense of the word? As he daydreamed about bathing in strawberry milk, Hijikata made a move to exit the office they were in. Gintoki followed him in haste, jogging to meet his pace.

Hijikata spoke as they walked down the hallway, "you have two main objectives as a butler for this house. First, you'll occasionally help out around the manor. The only other staff is a maid and a cook, so you can go to them for tasks and chores. The more important job is to accompany me and the other two on outside jobs."

Gintoki furrowed his eyes in confusion. "What kind of jobs?"

Hijikata paused, hesitating. "It varies." He drew a pipe from his yukata sleeve and lighter with it. Licking his lips, he lit the pipe and began smoking it. Gintoki couldn't resist zeroing in on his new master's tongue as it slid back to hide between his now wet lips.

The black-haired man took in a long drag and blew out a puff of smoke. "I guess I might as well tell you since you'll essentially be my right hand man. I take my orders directly from the shogun."

"You're the shogun's dog?!," Gintoki could not help his outburst. His blood ran cold. This was the same shogunate who had bent so easily under the pressure of the Amanto while Gintoki fought viciously in the battlefield, up to his knees in the blood of his comrades and enemies?! The man before him was essentially the shogun's bitch?! And since now Gintoki worked under the Hijikata name, he took on that mantle as well. The blood of the survivor of the Joui War boiled. He needed to leave the first chance he got.

Hijikata scoffed, yet did not seemed offended or surprised that his new butler said such a thing. "Did Sougo program you to say that? It figures since he's never approved of my occupation. That kid hates the shogun with a passion."

He took another drag from his pipe. "I can't help it though. My family has been working in the shogunate's shadows for generations."

Shadows? How edgy. "So you're like ninjas?" Gintoki mocked.

The eye roll Hijikata gave Gintoki should have won an award. "No, not like ninjas. We have more class than them."

The ring of a grandfather clock echoed along the walls of the hallway interrupting the conversation. Hijikata turned his head to the sound, and Gintoki couldn't help but trace the sharp outline of his jaw.

"Looks like it's almost tea time."

"Tea time?" asked Gin in a perplexed tone.

"Oh, sorry. The British refer to dinner time as 'tea time.' I just came back from a visit to distant cousin in England. That trip was what actually pushed me to get a butler. My cousin had a rather extraordinary one who, of course, wasn't as sloppy looking as you."

A vein almost popped on Gintoki's forehead. That last part was not necessary.

"Go to the kitchen and help the cook set up my dinner. It's the last door to the left. Ask him any questions you have. He'll explain it better than I can."

"Okay, Oogushi-kun."

Hijikata balked at the silver-haired butler. "What did you just call me?! Did you already forget my name?! Don't tell me they sent me a defective model!"

Gintoki straightened up immediately, realizing his mistake. He couldn't get sent back to Edo. Not now. Not yet. He swallowed his pride and wracked his mind for ideas of what servants would typically say. What was that one movie he had accidentally watched because he entered the wrong theatre and was too lazy to leave? The Princess Bride? Of course, he ended up crying like a baby when the credits rolled, but no one needed to know that.

The silver-haired butler gave a deep bow as his forearm came to his gut, mimicking what many butlers have done before him.

"As you wish."

Hijikata almost dropped his pipe in surprise, looking at the robot who had suddenly increased his charisma level by tenfold. If Gintoki had rose a moment sooner, he would have seen a light blush dusting the cheeks of his new master. But the black-haired man turned away too soon, returning to the comfort of his office.

Gintoki walked into a sterile white kitchen with too many appliances to count. His eyes caught movement of a white-clad figure, camouflaged against the blank walls.

"Hey," casually greeted Gintoki, still not too used to the expected formalities of a butler. Give him some credit, it wasn't like he had trained his whole life for this.

The person he presumed to be a cook almost dropped his plate. It was a bespectacled teenage boy about half a head shorter than him. With no distinguishing features other than his glasses, the visage of the boy screamed "plain".

"Oh! You scared me! Are you the new robot butler that Hijikata-sama ordered?"

Gintoki nodded.

"Well, hello. My name is Shinpachi Shimura." He walked over to Gintoki and bowed slightly as a sign of greeting. Inspecting Gin closer, he commented, "Wow, you're almost like a real person."

The robot-impostor's annoyance spiked. Being denied his humanity was harder than expected.

"My name is Gintoki," he replied, ignoring the comment. A question sprung into his mind.

"Hey, are you and the maid humans?"

Shinpachi looked surprised by the question. "Yes. Why?"

"How come the master got a robot butler instead of employing a human one?"

The glasses boy started shifting in nervousness, scratching the back of his head. "That's a difficult question." He paused, wracking his mind for an appropriate response.

"I assume that Hijikata-sama has already told you what kind of business he's involved in. Well, giving the seriousness of what he does, Master has developed a bit of trust issues."

"Then how come he hired you two?"

A ghost of a smile crossed Shinpachi's face, and he looked lost in nostalgia. "That's a story for another day." He turned around to place a well-done steak sprinkled with some garnishes on a silver platter. "It's dinner time now. Will you take this out to Hijikata-sama? And make sure you take a bottle of mayonnaise out of the fridge before you leave," he handed the platter over to Gin. "I'll have a separate meal made for you in the servants quarter next door. I was briefed that your body can process normal human food, but needed extra sugar intake, right?"

Gintoki, surprised at the flood of information, could only nod in response. But he was also surprised at how nice this boy was. The silver-haired samurai couldn't even remember the last time he'd ever been fed a home cook meal. Actually, he didn't think such an occasion ever occurred.

Quickly fetching a bottle of mayonnaise, Gin took the platter and made his way to the dining room, where Hijikata sat at the end of a long table. The room was rather small, suited for more intimate occasions, but it still looked spacious with the black-haired male being the sole occupant. It was almost… lonely.

He placed the meal in front of the man reading a newspaper. Gintoki cleared his throat while holding the white condiment in his hand like it was a pepper shaker.

"Would you like mayo on your steak, sir?" Gintoki offered. Wait, mayo didn't usually go with steak, right? Maybe it was a rich people trade secret. Hijikata put away the newspaper and gave a small grunt of approval.

The silver-haired butler squeezed a thin trail of mayonnaise onto the plate, going side to side for good measure. Even he knew aesthetic was worth half of your appetite.

"More," commanded Hijikata.

Gintoki went back over with a thicker line of mayo.

"More."

Okay. This was getting a bit on his nerves but he smiled through his irritation. Master knew best.

He squeezed what he thought to be a luxurious amount of the white condiment onto the steak. At this point, Gin was sure that it was one drop away from being completely ruined by the fatty substance.

"MORE!"

What the fuck was wrong with this self-entitled FUCKER! Gintoki lost control and was washed away in the flood of anger and he squeezed the bottle with all his strength, squirting every last bit of mayo onto the steak. It now literally looked like an albino dog had taken a huge, white shit onto Hijikata's dinner. Something like that should have completely disgusted the lord of the house, if he were a normal person.

But instead of throwing his ruined meal across the room and dismembering Gintoki on the spot, Hijikata just fixed his napkin to function as a bib and dug into the meal. His butler threw up a bit in his mouth, watching the master take a put a spoonful of more mayo than steak into his mouth.

The disgusted servant left the dining room with a terse "please enjoy your meal," not being able to take the sight of his master chowing down on dog food for a second longer.

Gin bursted through the doors of the servant's dining room. "What the hell is wrong with that mayo pervert?!"

Shinpachi looked taken aback. Oh shit, Gin shouldn't have insulted their master like that. Without prompt, the bespectacled cook threw his head back in laughter.

Were all the people of this estate insane?! Was there asbestos in the walls?!

"S-sorry," Shinpachi regained his breath, "I heard that you develop your personality based on our master, but I didn't think you would learn so quickly. You sounded exactly like him!"

Gintoki took that as an insult. Who would ever want to be likened to that mayo freak?!

But all his frustration dissolved when he saw the man's best creation: strawberry milk. He almost melted on the spot. There stood a pink cartoon of his reason for living next to a bowl of rice and chicken.

The fugitive-in-disguise wolfed down the meal without a second thought and thanked Shinpachi. The boy blushed a bit, embarrassed at the show of gratitude.

"Oh! That's right. You haven't met Kagura yet! She's out walking Sadaharu, our manor's guard dog right now."

"I didn't picture Hijikata as the kind of man who would waste his time on a dog."

"He really isn't. But Kagura had begged the master for weeks until he finally caved. I know Hijikata-sama has a bit of a rough exterior, but he's very good to us."

Gintoki scoffed, doubtful. His exterior was rough enough to sand every bit of patience Gin had. In the short time that he had pretended to be this guy's robot butler, he had already insulted him from top to bottom, threatened to dismember him, throw him away, or a combination of all three.

Hijikata didn't seem to be the type to smile, or have any expression for the matter. The V-shaped bangs bastard should be the one walking around, posing as the robot butler. He was so emotionless, he already had the robot part down.

Whatever. Gintoki wouldn't have to think about the guy's stupid (albeit attractive) face after he left.

"Man, I'm beat. Where can I take a shower?"

Shinpachi gave the fake-robot man a weird look.

"To wash off my new robot smell! You how robot butlers smell so much like the manufacturers when they're just opened!" Gin quickly added to shoo away his suspicion.

Shinpachi still looked doubtful, but made a move to put the dirty dishes in the sink. They both exited the servants quarters and made several twists and turns before arriving at a particularly ornate hallway.

"The master's room is at the end." He scratched his head, growing a bit nervous for some reason. "I-I guess as Hijikata-sama's… companion… you should take the adjoining room."

Why did the kid hesitate so much at the word "companion"? Also, why was he blushing? Wanting to get away before this situation got any weirder, he exchanged evening pleasantries and walked towards his new room.

When he stepped in, he let out a wolf whistle. Man, being a rich person's bitch sure had its quirks. The room was way bigger than his entire apartment above the old hag's bar. Large windows let the light of the moon filter in. Books lined the shelves. Looking at the old, leather covers, he knew it'd be too ambitious to expect some Shounen Jump issues.

Not wanting to be in his stuffy butler suit any more, he quickly stripped and stepped into the bathroom. Even the shower was befitting of the rich. It was spacious enough to qualify as a private onsen. There was a shower area, a small pool, and a bathtub sitting at the center. Gintoki let out an audible sigh of relief as the hot water washed away the aches of his muscles.

To think that he had spent the half the day running away from the police, stuck in a refrigerator-like box for almost an hour, and landed himself a job of a robot butler in a rather unsavory way.

He dried himself off and put on the only article of clothing that was his, a pink strawberry patterned pair of boxers.

As he was about to leave, he noticed that there were two doors. Wait, which one did he come through again? Not really willing to care about it much, he randomly chose one.

What greeted him at the other side of the door was the visage of a stupefied Hijikata.

Oh yea, didn't the kid say that the room was adjoined to this guy's room?

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING USING MY SHOWER?!" Hijikata screamed as he throw several books sitting on the table next to him. His blushing face matched Gintoki's pink strawberry boxers. A book collided with his forehead and Gin howled in pain.

"Wait! The kid put me in the adjoining room!"

"WHY THE HELL WOULD HE DO THAT?!" The embarrassed master of the house yelled impossibly louder.

Gintoki was this close at throwing a projectile at his new master's throat to shut him up. "He told me it was because I'm your 'companion,'" he said, putting the last word in air quotes.

Hijikata's face sank into his palm. "Oh my god, Sougo told him about your special features. My own cook is trying to set me up."

The light bulb finally flicked on in Gintoki's head.

Oh. Well this became a hundred more times awkward. He was deliberating throwing himself out the window to flee this suffocating embarrassment when Hijikata let out a long sigh. His shoulders drooped, as if dropping his pretenses as well.

"Might as well develop a nightly routine." Hijikata said, sounding too tired to care about the people continuously giving him a headache when they weren't even in the room.

Still blushing, he walked closer to the bed and said, "help me out of my yukata."

Gintoki kept himself from rolling his eyes. Were rich people just glorified children who could barely take care of themselves? The "B" in butler apparently also stood for "babysitter".

Hijikata lifted his arms as Gintoki stepped behind him, untying his yukata sash. His yukata came undone and the collar began slipping down, exposing a good amount of the black-haired lord's shoulders. Although Hijikata was facing away from his butler, Gin could tell by the red tips of his ears that his master wasn't as calm as he tried to appear.

The dial to Gintoki's sadism turned up just a bit. Wanting to enact a little revenge for the shit his master put the silver-haired man through today, he purposely ran his fingers along the nape of Hijikata's neck, along his shoulders, and down to his biceps before allowing the garment to drop to the floor. He felt the man shiver beneath his fingertips. His plan backfired when the feeling of Hijikata's cool, smooth skin went straight to his dick.

Drawing close to his ear, the butler whispered, "what next, master?"

"Get into bed."

Hijikata turned around with no warning and pushed Gintoki unceremoniously onto the bed. What the—? Did they just switch positions?

"What are you doing?!"

"Sampling you," Hijikata replied as it were the most normal thing in the world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gintoki was many things but a bottom was not one of them. He was this close to knocking Hijikata out and fleeing when the black-haired man drew the covers over both of them.

After a few seconds of fumbling with the large bedsheets, he felt Hijikata draw closer. Wordlessly, he placed his head on the butler's shoulders, his hair tickling Gintoki's neck. Actually, half of Hijikata was splayed upon Gintoki's body. Was this guy secretly a koala?! After a moment or two, Hijikata began running his fingers along the deep ridges of Gintoki's abs, outlining the muscles.

The drag of his finger left a trail of fire on Gintoki's skin. The trail spread like wildfire across his skin, and he was thankful that the darkness hid his full-body flush. There it was again—the unfamiliar yet not unwanted intimacy.

"You're really warm." Hijikata whispered into the moonlit night.

Gintoki couldn't do anything but shudder as his master spread his palm, running it along the side of his waist, dragging it across his pecs before settling atop his chest, right where his heart was threatening to burst forth.

"I can't believe they gave you a heart" were the last words that left Hijikata's lips before he fell asleep, his soft snores filling the too silent room.

"I can't believe I have one either," said Gintoki to no one.


	3. One Hell of a Fight Club

As the rays of the morning sun pulled Gintoki out of sleep, he wished his eyelids could function as blackout curtains. His brain replayed the incidents from yesterday. The fugitive was pursued endlessly by the police. He jumped onto the delivery truck, found what he thought was a dead body. Turned out to be a robot butler and-

The feel of a pair of lips pressed against his jolted him out of his thoughts. His eyes slowly opened and the visage of crystal blue eyes greeted him. Eyes that he wished to both swim in and punch in irritation.

"Oi, what kind of butler doesn't wake up before his master?"

Punch. Gintoki definitely wanted to punch his master's annoying face. He grumbled nonsensities, not willing to arise just yet. It must be barely six in the morning, judging by his body's internal clock. Only a demon would wake up this early to wreak havoc on the earth, so of course Hijikata was awake.

The silver-haired butler watched his lord walk to the closet to get dressed and ran his eyes along the sinewed shape of his back. His morning reminder that he was indeed a man pulsed and he groaned, feeling like he regressed back to a horny teenage boy. Not fair. Not fair at all. Why was the most infuriating person in the world such a hot piece of ass?

"Go get my sword from my office and meet me at the entrance."

"As you wish," Gintoki mumbled sleepily. He quickly grabbed his clothes of the floor and smoothed the wrinkles out of his butler uniform.

After getting lost for about ten minutes, he finally found the office and made his way to entryway of the manor. Hijikata stood there, smoking in the literal and metaphorical sense. The butler almost drooled at the sight of his lord, adorned in stark black with a white ascot wrapped around his neck. His stoic master was dressed from head to toe in crisp uniform and it provided a sharp contrast to the loose, elegant yukata he had worn yesterday.

Gintoki walked to the edge of the entryway, which was a few inches off the ground, and handed the sleek, black sword over to his master, completing his look. They stared at each other for a moment too long.

Just when the butler thought his master was going to turn around and leave, Hijikata reached out to grab Gintoki's tie to pull him down into a surprise kiss. The silver-haired butler could only sputter in embarrassment and confusion when Hijikata let him go.

"You looked like you wanted a goodbye kiss," his master said with a maddening smirk and left Gintoki paralyzed at the entrance, blushing like a tomato.

Completely lost in his own world, the samurai hadn't sensed the arrival of a new player to the scene. A red-haired girl in a monochrome maid outfit poked Gin on the cheek, asking "hey, are you overheating? Your face is completely red. Want me to douse you with water to cool you down?"

Her insistent poking finally brought Gintoki back down from the clouds. "Who the hell are you?!"

The girl placed her hands on her hips and pouted, "hey! That's rude! I'm Kagura! Since I've been here longer, I'm technically your senpai!"

The silver-haired samurai was about to shoot back a childish retort when a headache blinded him and it suddenly felt too moist. Smelled terrible too.

"Sadaharu! Bad dog! The new butler isn't a chew toy! Let him go!" Kagura commanded.

Gintoki got his vision back and turned around to see a white dog almost larger than him. What the fuck?! Was this the manor's guard dog?! What fresh hell did this monster crawl out of?

Kagura stepped closer to inspect Gintoki and pointed to the head injury that he just received from her monsterous pet. "Huh? Are you bleeding? Aren't you supposed to be a robot?" Kagura questioned, growing slightly suspicious.

"Noooooooo," Gintoki dragged out, "this is oil. It's just colored like blood to make me more human." The maid thankfully just accepted the bold-faced lie.

"So did you sleep with master?" Kagura asked without missing a beat.

Gintoki almost choked on air.

"O-oi! A young girl shouldn't say things like that!"

Kagura just shrugged, not really caring about what was or wasn't inappropriate for a girl her age. She was a Yato after all. The same earth rules didn't apply to her.

"So did you top? Master looks like a bottom."

Gintoki did choke this time.

"I mean with hair like that, he's not exactly a top."

Was Gintoki going crazy or did that actually make sense?!

The sound of footsteps grew louder, announcing the entrance of Shinpachi. The bespectacled boy's appearance saved Gintoki from what had to be the worst encounter of his life. "Good morning, Gin-san! Seems like you've met Kagura-chan and Sadaharu!"

Desperately wanting to change the subject, the silver-haired butler said, "Morning, Shinpachi. Master left without giving me any orders for the day. Where did he go anyway?"

"Hmm, probably out to receive his new assignment."

Gintoki's eyes darkened, understanding the implication. "This is what the taxpayer money goes towards?"

Shinpachi and Kagura gave each other a quick look before returning their gaze unto this rather odd robot butler.

"Wooow, Sougo-sama really was the one who programmed you," Kagura remarked.

"Gin-san, I know that Hijikata-sama is involved in many unsavory dealings on behalf of the shogunate, but he himself is a good man," Shinpachi said, trying to defend his master.

The cook continued, "my sister and I are greatly indebted to the lord. He had saved our home from the illegal dealings of real estate agent working with the yakuza. After saving our dojo, he even offered me this job during a time when samurai and their descendants are left in the streets to rot under the feet of Amanto."

Kagura nodded before adding her own story, "I'm an illegal Yato alien. After I landed on Earth, I got involved with yakuza who only wanted to abuse my strength. When Hijikata-sama went to investigate, instead of arresting and deporting me, he gave me this job to legally stay here on Earth. Now I get three meals a day!"

That last part didn't seem like much of a brag but the rest of what these brats were saying sounded sincere enough.

"Master may seem really prickly on the outside but he's actually a softy. He's a yandere!" Kagura said with utmost confidence.

Shinpachi sweatdropped. "I think you mean tsundere, Kagura-chan." He turned back to Gintoki, "per your earlier question, we have the day off, but we will probably accompany Master out tonight."

Gintoki hummed in acknowledgement. He would give time to think about what these kids said about the mysterious lord of the manor and judge him for himself.

The day passed by in the blink of an eye. As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, the rumble of Hijikata's car sounded from the driveway. Gintoki greeted his master at the door and followed him back to his office.

"Yorozuya, sit down." Gintoki quickly wiped the look of confusion when he remembered that was his particular 'model'. Wait, was this bastard refusing to say his name?

The silver-haired butler watched in curiosity as his master riffled through his desk drawer to pull out a small cylindrical container the size of his palm. He stepped in front of Gintoki and open the jar to dip two fingers in the viscous substance. Whoa… was that lub-nope, it was hair gel as evident by the fact that Hijikata was now combing Gintoki's silver hair with his fingers. Gintoki found himself lost in the sensation of his master running his long fingers through his hair, shuddering as his nails lightly scratched his scalp. It was too foreign of a feeling for someone other than a hairdresser to do something like this.

"Where we're going, I can't have such a sloppy-looking butler at my side." Hijikata stepped back to admire his work and nodded in approval. "Go change into your white uniform and grab your weapon. They should be in your room since Kagura moved your packaging box into it."

Gintoki felt irked that he was being ordered around like a manservant, but unfortunately this was his current fate. He returned to his room and rummaged through the box and found a white butler uniform, an exact opposite of his current one. He dug a bit more through the sides and found his trusty bokken, apologizing to it for abandoning it in the box.

When he dressed himself and took a gander of his new look in the mirror, he couldn't help but wolf-whistle at his slick reflection. Gin-san cleaned up quite nicely. It had been ages since his bangs weren't hanging over his eyes and he loathed to thank Hijikata for the improvement in his looks. But even Gintoki had to admit that he looked fine as hell with his white hair and stark white butler uniform. The outfit accentuated Gintoki's physique in all the right places, from his broad shoulders to his tighter waist.

The all-white butler fidgeted with his tie as he strolled down the main corridor to meet Hijikata at the end. Hijikata stood paralyzed at the sight of the blinding white figure of his butler. The cigarette resting in between Hijikata's lips almost fell to the floor, his mouth agape in shock. Gintoki stepped towards the edge, holding his master's attention captive as he did so.

Gin grew brazen at the effect that he had on this indignant chain smoker. He stole the cigarette right from Hijikata's lips and took a long drag. In one breath, he blew out the smoke into his master's face. In another, he closed the maddening distance between their lips.

"You looked like you wanted a good luck kiss," the butler said, mirroring his lord's haughty taunt from this morning.

Hijikata snapped out of his trance and was one second away from upper-cutting his servant for his impudence when Kagura and Shinpachi arrived to the scene.

Gin almost didn't recognize the two kids in non-monochrome colors. Shinpachi was dressed in blue like he was headed to kendo practice and Kagura looked like she just came back from a vacation to China during Lunar New Years.

"Why are you guys dressed like that?"

"We're in our civilian clothes since we need to blend in."

Gintoki grew confused, gesturing down at his blinding white uniform. "Then how come I'm dressed like this?"

"Because I need you by my side," answered Hijikata simply as he turned around and left through the front doors.

If Gintoki were a weaker man, he would have blushed. How the hell can the bastard say such… embarrassing things without blinking an eye?! Did he have no shame?!

Shinpachi chuckled a bit at the scene. "Most Edo elites already know who Hijikata-sama is, so you would catch everyone's eye regardless of what you wear if you're going with Master."

The four of them stepped into a sleek black limo with four seats facing each other. The driver was unseen in the front, separated by a soundproof and opaque tinted glass. Kagura and Shinpachi sat next to each other while Gintoki took his rightful place next to their master.

Hijikata spoke as he handed out folders with details of their mission. "We're going to do some recon tonight. Our target is the strongest fighter of the underground fighting ring 'Rengokukan'. His name is Kidomaru and he's been the champion for a year now. Currently the illegal fight club has been untouchable because of the Amanto owner's close ties to the shogunate. The police haven't been able to do a single thing."

The silver Joui War veteran inwardly scoffed. Of course the shogunate was merely a puppet for the Amanto. Gintoki stopped trying to imagine a world without the Amanto a long time ago. He wasn't like Zura, fighting for a world that could no longer exist. The Amanto had buried their roots deep within Japan's soil and you couldn't rip out these aliens without tearing apart the entire foundation.

"Are we planning to kill him?" Gintoki said bluntly.

"Depends."

"On what."

"What I decide." Hijikata stated, matter-of-factly. The butler rolled his eyes. Figures.

After a half hour drive, the car pulled over to the side of road. Although it was dark, Gintoki could distinguish a house in between the trees. They stepped quietly, careful to not alert any one of their trespassing.

"Yorozuya," Hijikata whispered, "go up to the house and see if anyone's home."

Ugh, why was he the one sent to killer's home?! Oh yea, robots were considered expendable. Gintoki could do nothing but follow his master's order and attempted to sneak to the side of the house. It was a Japanese-styled home with wooden floors and beaten down shoji doors. As he was about to slide the door, he felt a sharp jab in his butt of all places.

"What the fuck?!" The silver-haired samurai shot up howling in surprise, clutching his hurt butt cheek as he did so.

A deep voice called out behind him. "Who are you and what are you doing trespassing into my home?"

Gintoki put his hands up in a disarming gesture. The man was monstrous in size, almost double the height of Gin. There was no doubt this was Kidomaru. Frantically searching for an answer, he spat out, "Hello! Would you like to switch your telephone service to a long-distance line?"

Kidomaru glared at the intruder with suspicion in his eyes, "does this look like a house with a telephone line? We're in the middle of nowhere with no electricity."

"Well, I'm sorry for intruding you on this lovely night. I won't impose any further." Just when Gintoki was about to make a dash for his life, the shoji doors slid open behind him.

A small boy not even reaching the butler's knees called out, 'papa!"

The underground champion did something that Gintoki wouldn't have expected in a hundred years. He smiled. What Gin thought to be a bloodthirsty killer knelt down and scooped the boy up into his arms. "Yes, I am here."

Soon after, a bunch of other children clambered out of the house to climb atop their father like a tree. With his strength, Kidomaru simply let them, not bothered in the slightest. It was like having kittens claw their way up.

As Gintoki was about to open his mouth to worm his way out of this odd situation, a yelp from the bushes stole everyone's attention. In the blink of an eye, the familiar white fur of Sadaharu was lit under the moonlight.

"Goddamnit Kagura! I told you to leave the dog at home!" His master's yells came through between the trees. Looks like their cover was completely blown now.

Kagura jumped out of the bushes to hug her beloved dog around the neck. "He must have followed us without me knowing! Oh Sadaharu, you must love me so much!" Even with Hijikata's anger directed towards her, she couldn't help gushing over her pet.

All the kids aboard Kidomaru jumped off and ran squealing towards the large fluffy dog.

Kidomaru narrowed his eyes at the approaching figures of Hijikata and Shinpachi. "Are these your telemarketer friends?"

Gintoki gulped, but thankfully, Hijikata walked up and said, "let's cut the crap. We know you're Kidomaru, the top fighter of Rengokukan."

Said fighter crossed his arms and replied, "well, after tonight, I will no longer hold that title, so you can take your business elsewhere."

Hijikata eyes grew wide in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I won't lie. I am a bad man. My hands are stained with my opponents' blood from the many death matches I have fought in that underground arena. But I have finally saved enough from my earnings to start a new life with my kids."

Gin looked at the dozen or so brats playing with Kagura and Sadaharu. "You really got around during your younger days, didn't you? You know there are cond-" Hijikata smacked him upside the head before he could finish his crude statement.

Kidomaru shook his head. "No, these are not my children. Not by blood, at least. They were orphaned during the war and I simply could not leave them to rot in this world that failed them. I knew I couldn't provide for them as a jobless rounin. All I had was my strength. So I used it the only way I knew how."

Hijikata, Gintoki, and Shinpachi looked at the man before them, understanding dawning upon their features. Yes, this was a killer, but by no means was he an honorless man. The samurai soul within all three burned in admiration and respect at Kidomaru.

The black-haired man smirked, "well, it's a good thing you're quitting the Rengokukan tonight."

"How come?" Kidomaru asked, his voice tinged with confusion.

"Haven't you heard? I'm going to tear that place to shreds."

"So you want my help to infiltrate the Rengokukan? What could I get in return?"

"A safe passage out of Edo for you and your children. And some extra money to help you start your new lives."

Kidomaru mulled over the offer before nodding his acquiescence. "You have a deal."

Hijikata continued, "Shinpachi and Kagura will stay behind and protect your brats until you come back for them tonight."

The fight club champion shook hands with his fellow samurai. The three departed in a horse-drawn caravan after Kidomaru said goodbye to his children. "Don't worry. Papa just has to go on a short business trip. I will come back to you before the sun is up. So you all better be in bed before I come back." His beloved children grumbled, not wanting to stop playing with Sadaharu, but listened to their father nonetheless.

Gintoki and Hijikata climbed into the back of the caravan, loaded with a variety of weapons, such as swords and clubs. The fact that these already had been used was evident with the dried blood on them. A single red oni mask lied at the center. The butler picked it up, running his fingers along the grooves of the battle-worn mask.

The trio rode on the dirt path in silence, hidden between the shadow of trees. Right when they were at the outskirts of Edo, moments away from their destination, the caravan lurched, sending the two inside tumbling around like pinballs. The horse neighed in terror as an arrow stopped it in its tracks.

Kidomaru yelled as he fell off the horse, cursing in pain as his body slammed into the ground. Before he could arise, a demon-masked figure stood atop of him with a spear pointed at his heart. "Your days as the Champion of Rengokukan are coming to an end, Kidomaru. My boss has decided that we will no longer need your services. It has grown a bit too stale in the betting ring with you always coming out on top."

"You cowards can't even kill me in the ring!"

Although the figure was hiding behind a blue oni mask, the smirk was unhidden in his voice. "We don't have to." Those were the last words Kidomaru heard before his heart was pierced by the spear of his ruthless assassin.

Gintoki's blood had been boiling, ready to launch himself through the caravan to help Kidomaru, but he was incapacitated by Hijikata's bruising grip around his body. His arms and legs were locked down by Hijikata behind him as one hand muffled his curses. When the assassin left the scene, Gintoki elbowed his master in the ribs so he could finally escape.

The black-haired man followed clumsily as he clutched his ribs in pain. Hijikata didn't even see Gintoki's punch coming. He landed gracelessly on the dirt path with a bloody nose.

"What did you stop me?! We could have saved him!" Gintoki viciously grabbed Hijikata by the collar and yelled into his face.

Hijikata only gave him a cold glare before replying, "I couldn't let you jeopardize the operation."

The butler's eyes flared in anger before punching his master again. "FUCK your operation! You let that man die before your eyes and you did NOTHING to stop it!"

"What if that assassin noticed us and called for backup? What if his reinforcement discovered the trail leading back to the house with Kidomaru's brats? What would you do if those killers turned their swords to those kids?"

Gintoki dropped Hijikata unceremoniously onto the ground, the implication of his words hitting him like a freight train. But a wave of anger crashed into him again. "Well, we couldn't have known what would have happened!"

Hijikata picked himself off the ground, wiping the blood dripping from his face. "Well now we won't."

Hijikata ignored his butler seething in cold anger and stepped towards the lifeless body of Kidomaru. When he knelt down to close his eyes, Kidomaru reached out to cling desperately to the black-haired samurai's hand.

"Please… avenge me." Kidomaru barely pushed out as his blood flooded his lungs. "And make sure those kids are taken care of. They deserve a better father than me."

A ghost of a smile crossed Hijikata's face, "those kids will never have a greater father than you." Hijikata placed his hand atop Kidomaru's face, closing his eyes and allowing the soul of his fellow samurai to pass on in dignity.

"Did you hear that, Yorozuya? We have one final job for tonight."

Gintoki said nothing as he watched Hijikata climb aboard the horse, untying it from the caravan. He reached out his hand to his butler. "Are you coming?"

The silver-haired samurai wordlessly took his master's warm hand and climbed behind Hijikata. Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he wrapped his arms around his master's waist and held on tight as they both rode into the night.


	4. One Hell of an Avenger

The Rengokukan is everything you expected of an underground fighting ring. Filth was practically built into the foundations of the arena. There cheers and taunts of hundreds of humans and amanto alike shook the underground arena and Gintoki wondered how close the place was to collapsing on itself.

Such a dirty and bloodthirsty place should have made Gintoki's skin crawl but instead it made him feel like he was burning alive with excitement. The battle-driven warrior of days long past felt like he was home again.

A figure with a blue oni mask stood at the center of the arena, eating up the cheers thrown at him. It was the same bastard that killed Kidomaru, his blade still warm with the late champion's blood.

"It looks like Kidomaru has run with his tail behind his legs. He is not up to the challenge of bearing the esteemed title of Champion of the Rengokukan!"

Boos and jeers filled the stadium and Gintoki's blood boiled that an honorable man like him received such terrible backlash. He was more of a champion than that coward ever could be.

Gintoki legs were ready to pounce, jumping from his position in the audience to challenge the assassin in the arena, when a warm hand wrapped around his wrist.

"You can't stop me. This is my _bushido."_ Burning red eyes turned to challenge steel blue ones. "You know better than anyone that a samurai can't simply bend his own code. I won't stop protecting what's right in front of me, not even for you."

Hijikata eyes widened in surprise. A flood of admiration washed over the lord and in the midst of blood-pounding adrenaline, both forgot that this butler was supposed to be a robot. But Hijikata did not comment on such an anomaly. Perhaps it was just a glitch in his system. Perhaps this whole night was just a glitch. Gintoki had already done so many things that a butler, much less a robot, would ever do.

"I won't stop you. Just… don't get blood on that suit."

For the first time that night, Gintoki chuckled, understanding the hidden intention of his master's words. The undercurrent of the tsundere's words were clear: '_don't get hurt'._

"As you wish."

Hijikata watched his butler leap from the spectator seats to land at the center of the arena, stealing the spotlight. Sometime in the chaos, his butler had swiped Kidomaru's blood-red oni mask as his face hid beneath it. To the rest of the audience, the champion had returned to defend his title.

To his assassin, it appeared that Kidomaru had raised from the grave. The underhanded murderer shook in fear. For while he could not see the eyes beneath his opponent's mask, he had no doubt they were that of a predator––the most vicious he had ever encountered.

The lord of Hijikata Manor forced his gaze to leave the areana. He had some important matters left to attend.

––

An imposing bodyguard stood at the door, scaring away any lost fool who had accidentally stumbled across the forbidden room. He took one look at Hijikata and nodded, allowing the lord to enter.

"We've been expecting your arrival, Hijikata-sama."

Hijikata walked into a room at the highest level of the stadium, giving him full view of the arena below. The room was filled with the ones who ran the illegal fighting ring––the same ones that the Shogun could not touch. A couple of low-level yakuza also lounged in the glass box room, relishing in morbid satisfaction of watching blood spill. The space was furnished with many luxuries, so much so that it seemed like another world compared to the filthy, bloodied arena below. The Amanto leader sat at the center in a luxurious chair, surrounded by his sycophants.

Edo wouldn't miss such vermin.

The Lord of Hijikata Manor introduced himself as such to the small room. Several gasps echoed through the room. "THE Hijikata-sama is here?!" they whispered in disbelief amongst themselves.

Hijikata stepped towards the front of the room and bowed to the ring leader. He was a rather plump alien, who had more wealth than he knew what to with, as evident by the dozens of gold rings circling his sausage fingers.

The fat alien chuckled, flattered that such an esteemed figure as Hijikata would show him such respect. "Hijikata. I'm surprised you would bestow me the honor of your visit. I had assumed that such a place was beneath your level."

"I've grown bored holed up at my estate."

The forerunner of the fight club laughed in delight. "Trust me, this is worth your entertainment. Come. Sit next to me. You are the guest of honor tonight." He shooed the current occupant of the seat next to him and Hijikata took his place.

His eyes couldn't help but focus on the figure of Gintoki.

"I have it on good authority that the red-masked figure below is NOT Kidomaru," the leader whispered into Hijikata's ear. The black-haired samurai had to hold back a shiver. His breath was soaked with alcohol.

"On whose?"

"Mine." The drunk man couldn't hold back his haughty chortle and slapped Hijikata on the back, almost knocking off the chair.

"Why, I am so sure that the man down there is some unfortunate weakling that I will give you 1000 to 1 odds against the street urchin."

Hijikata couldn't hold back a smirk. He slapped a thick envelope onto the table in front of them. "Alright then. I'll put down a hundred million yen that this 'street urchin' will win."

Many of the room's occupants gasped. Hijikata delivered that statement like it was mere pocket change to him. Was this the fortune that the Hijikata name carried? The amanto smiled in delight, dollar signs practically shining in his pupils. The two elites shook hands.

–––

Gintoki could barely hear the roar of the crowds over the blood rushing in his head. This was the first opportunity for him to fight all out since the war had ended. The mammoth figure in the blue demon mask pulled out a massive iron spiked bat that was twice as heavy as the figure holding it.

"I don't know who you are to believe that you can fill Kidomaru's shoes," the blue figure taunted.

The silver-haired samurai kicked the dirt. "I wouldn't have been able to. His feet were two big."

"Shut up and fight me!" The assassin roared, sick of all the jokes this mysterious man had played on him. "Show me what your toothpick of a sword can do against my weapon!"

The two charged at each other like wild bulls, but their attacks were faster than light. His opponent swung his colossal weapon, but what the weapon had in power, it lost in speed. Gintoki could see the attack from a mile away and jumped over the swinging bat like a jackrabbit. He swung his bokken, but could only manage to take out one horn from the mask.

Before Gintoki's feet touch the ground, his attacker swung around and stabbed the butler's mask with a concealed hand knife. But Gintoki's instincts expected at much from an underground fighting ring and using his superior reflexes, he ducked and backflipped a safe distance away. Now he stood uncovered in the arena and the crowd went wild.

Yells of confusion erupted from the stands.

"Who is that?!"

"That's not Kidomaru!"

"Imposter!"

But Gintoki paid no mind to the discordant jeers from the audience. He only had eyes for one thing, and that was the speechless opponent in front of him.

His opponent was an amanto, who had come from galaxies away, excited to battle in "The Land of Samurais." He had tales of their courage and might, but when he had finally arrived to Edo, years after the last samurai had given up his sword, he could feel nothing but disdain for these warriors he had once looked up to.

But a primal feeling within the amanto told him that this one––with the silver hair and blood-red eyes–– _this one was different. _But his mind commanded him to fight. There was nothing for him to lose in this battle. He could only gain the thrill of the fight.

The two started their battle anew, with more vigour now that they had both warmed up. Punches, kicks, slashes, and the like were thrown like hail and the delirious crowd was eating it up. They had not ever bore witness to a battle like this one. Before long, they were enraptured by this mysterious challenger with his red eyes and white form. They began chanting, "SHIROYASHA! SHIROYASHA!" Their yells shook the very foundation of the unstable stadium.

After awhile, the two fighters paused, panting. Both their endurance were waning. "Just give up now! You have no hope in winning! What can a human do against us superior amanto? This country of 'samurai' is filled with nothing but cowards. Your race has already failed once you willingly gave your country up!"

Gintoki spit out blood. "You wouldn't say that until you've face a real samurai."

The amanto fighter could not bear the arrogance of this puny human anymore. He charged once again with his metal bat and swung with all his might. But this man, who spoke such big words before, did nothing but stand there. Perhaps he had already given up––his body paralyzed with fear.

The sick delight in hearing bone crunch was soon flooded with terror as his human opponent did nothing but stand there, taking the hit. A normal human would have been sent flying across the arena. Hell, even an amanto would have been sent like a rocket after a hit like that! But no. This man, this _samurai, _stood his ground.

Gintoki smiled in a way that only warriors afflicted with battle-lust could smile. He wrapped his arms the metal bat and using his strength alone, span the weapon along with its owner round and round until finally he let go. Now only momentum could decide the amanto's fate. The alien was propelled up towards the bright lights of arena, completely shattering them with his limp body.

A rain of glass and sparks fell onto the stadium and chaos ensued as people went into a stampede.

Before the match had ended with such a bang, the elite occupants of the glass box watched the battle with rapt attention, hypnotized by this mysterious white demon. Gintoki's blood-red eyes pierced anyone who had looked into them and even the amanto ringleader could not help but utter, "those… those are the real eyes of a samurai."

When the last light was snuffed out, casting a blanket of darkness upon the entire underground arena, the elites in the room screamed in terror, tasting fear for the first time in their cushioned lives. All except one elite. The black-haired man finally showed his true face, hidden in the darkness.

These rich fools who tried to run from their fate could only cry in confusion when the doors wouldn't budge. Hijikata unsheathe his sword and a few moments later, silence fell upon the room.

He walked to the door and calmly knocked against it. The same bodyguard from before greeted him as he opened the door to allow Hijikata outside. The samurai slipped a thick envelope into the man's suit pocket, the same one which held the money for his bet. It seemed he wouldn't be collecting his winnings for tonight. No matter. It was only chump change.

Hijikata gave a small nod to the bodyguard. "For your troubles tonight."

Once the guard was out of sight, Hijikata pulled out his phone and made a call.

"Hello, Sougo? Everything is taken care of. I'll leave it up to you for clean up."

––

The two samurai met each other at the meeting place but said nothing to each other as they made the ride back to where Shinpachi, Kagura and the children waited for them.

On the way, Hijikata made a quick call, describing the location of Kidomaru's body and sending someone to make a proper burial worthy of a samurai. When they finally arrived back to the late Champion's home, their inability to meet anyone's eyes answered the silent question in the air. It seemed that even the youngest of kids already knew what death was. What a cruel world to live in.

"Was our papa a bad man?" A small kid with greenish hair asked, tears welling up in his eyes.

Hijikata kneeled down to meet the brat's eye level. "Perhaps... but he was a great father and that's all that matters."

A big limo approached, looking very out of place in the forest. A woman with warm eyes and a warmer smile stepped out of the car.

"This nice miss will take you to your new home. It's an orphanage owned by my family in Edo." Looking at the hesitant and scared faces of the little ones around him, Hijikata said in a soft voice, "it's what your father would have wanted." Although reluctant to leave the one place they had grown up calling home, they wanted to follow their father's final wish and climbed into the car.

Hijikata, Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura watched the limo drive into the night. No one had any words to say. They all stepped into Hijikata's car, somehow fitting Sadaharu inside and fell asleep shoved against the soft fur of the manor's dog.

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**For full unabridged version, please find this fic on ao3**


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